I was breaking my head, to title my product help page, but my mind would simply not give me that keyword. I started referring my previous titles and other related pages to find that exact punch. But I wasn’t lucky. It is like, breaking your head hard to remember something that struck you just a second back, and evaporated out of the mind the next moment. Irritated, I just looked out of the office window, facing the mountains to breathe in the fresh smell. I kept staring at blank space for sometime, and then my eyes slowly moved to the thermos flask, my notepad, and then lingered at the laptop on my desk. Again I helplessly stared into that help page without the caption.
My head started pounding, so I just picked up my thermos flask and walked to the pantry to get some water. I always have this habit of walking to the pantry to fill water, when there is a mind block or when I just want to recharge myself.
As I walked, I saw a support guy trying hard to match the clients accent, a developer engrossed in his code, few familiar faces were busy on FB, some were doing that “walk the talk” with their iPhone, and it was just then I caught that rustic, raw and dusky face, with his shoulders leaning confidently on the chair, outstretched legs but foot firm on the ground, one hand supported on the long rims of the chair playing on his beard, and the other playing with the mouse. He was a known person, bit familiar, but not a friend, just an acquaintance though, I have passed by him many times without even acknowledging his presence, but today ….there was something that was playing the magnet. As a rule I don’t blush in office, but today I knew I was gonna break that rule, and yes I was breaking that rule as he gave a casual glance at me with his lips curved like a crescent. And there I was floored completely, knee shaking and holding my breath but managed to smile casually without losing my pride. He got up and walked past me, and turned left, I stealthily returned to my work station.
Of course I felt like a college girl, managing her first crush. I slowly kept my EMPTY flask, and quietly pulled the chair at my work-station. As I sat tapping my laptop, with that mischievous smile still playing on my lips, I titled my help page, a brilliant title.
My subsequent encounters were very casual and short, we crossed each other mostly while walking or dropping by a colleagues work-station. Every time I tried hard to make my planned encounters very casual. And then, there were those beautiful unplanned moments when he crossed me, with that priceless smile triggering some of the memorable romantic melodies in me. And I was not sure, if he felt the same panic attack just like me. So he became the new reason for my frequent visits to the pantry, to recharge myself.
There is one such beautiful encounter, totally unplanned. I was rushing down to meet a colleague for a discussion, and was just in time to get into the lift that was about to do an empty ride. I pressed the floor number, and started to play tunes with my fingers against the walls of the lift, which now echoed as it was completely empty. I flipped my iPhone humming my favorite tune, and tucked the hair strands that were dancing on my forehead.I looked at my reflection on the lift wall and styled my hair . It was then that I noticed, I was not alone. I looked sideways, to see that familiar rustic face, with a slightly amused and haughty smile glaring at me silently from the corner of the lift. The lift floor beneath me was rambling, but I managed a even haughtier smile and stepped out of the lift at my floor, with my pride intact.
I would be lying, if I said I have never felt like this, but there was something magical and real this time. We see rainbows in soap bubbles, prisms, pictures, and videos, sometimes we even create our own rainbows using the garden hose, but when you see the real rainbow painting the skies, you know it is the “one” but unreachable.
One thing is for sure, I have no plans to take this encounter further. My next move could even ruin this beautiful, unsaid, distant relationship. The relationship will loose its sheen, if it is acknowledged. Some of the most beautiful moments in life are unsaid and undefined. He continues to inspire me in many ways, and gives me the power to recharge. He will never be aware of my profound feelings for him, buried deep within me.
May be he is just my imagination, and I may even forget him after a few years but my heart will remember the worst trauma it survived.